Thursday, March 4, 2010

Top Ten Assertiveness Techniques

While it may be true that some people are naturally more assertive than others, this doesn't mean that assertiveness skills can't be learned. Here are ten top assertiveness techniques that if practiced often will lead you towards becoming more assertive.

1. Distance and personal space

No one likes someone else invading their space. It's important not to let someone you don't know very well invade your space (known as passive aggressive behaviour and is a form of manipulation). You know when your space has been invaded because you'll feel uncomfortable - it's important to set boundaries there and then, either verbally or non-verbally, e.g stepping back to give yourself more space or using another form of non-verbal assertive behaviour.

2. Good time management

Books have been written on this 'subject'. Being consistently late for meetings or appointments nearly always points to a lack of self-worth. This also goes for giving other people too much of your time - to value one's time is to value oneself.

3. Broken Record Technique

Sometimes difficult to do but when used correctly the Broken Record Technique can be very effective. You state clearly what you want (or don't want) and when you meet with resistance repeat again and again and...A good time to use the Broken Record Technique could be when a salesman calls and presses you for a sale, try something like "I'm not interested, thank you." A disadvantage with the Broken Record Technique is that the more you use it the weaker its effect will be.

4. Disclosure

A disclosure can be very effective when you want to honest and upfront about something you feel the listener may not fully be aware of or understand. An example of this could be a person who is a hard of hearing asking the other person to speak up a little because they are a little hard of hearing. It's sometimes amazing how much better you can feel when using the disclosure method, something that was once seen as a handicap can be seen in a more positive light.

5. Fogging

You agree with your 'critic', and like a clear fog you let the criticism go in through one ear and out the other. When someone criticizes you you agree by saying something like "You're right, my dress doesn't really match my purse," or "You know, you probably have a point there, my hair is a little messy, I like it this way though." When you use the fogging technique it's best to see all criticism as feedback. You let it ride over you and don't get involved with what's being said. It can be a fantastic way to defuse a verbal attack and shows your critic just how assertive you are.

6. Maintain eye contact

Good eye contact does two things - it makes the listener feel that you respect them and it makes you look more confident to the other person. Too much looking down or looking away will make you come across as either nervous or worse still as if you don't respect what the listener is saying. Another thing to remember is that too much eye contact and it may look as if you are staring them out and so can appear quite aggressive.

7. Stand upright

When you slouch you can appear less confident to the observer, you may also appear lazy or shy. Of course, standing too erect and military-like, among other things will probably lead to an aching back. Stand upright and walk slowly when entering a room and you will look assertive.

8. Sit up

When you sit make sure you are sitting upright. Don't cross you legs or fold your arms - two signs of nervousness. Sitting up makes you look more alert, interested in the listener and interesting to the listener.

9. Active listening

Repeating briefly what the other person has said when appropriate is a good assertiveness skill to learn. Make sure you keep it short and don't interrupt the speaker when they're in full flow. You can use phrases like "So if I'm hearing you correctly your view is..." or "So you're saying... is this correct?"

10. Tone of voice

When we are nervous we tend to speak higher, softer and quicker. If you have a tendency to speak quickly in stressful situations then mentally counting to two each time before you speak will help. Taking a few deep breaths before you speak helps has a calming effect. If your voice tends to get higher pitched then imagining the sound coming out of your chest will help to keep it at a deeper tone making you sound more confident.

How to Deal With Problems in Life

Life is unfortunately not a bed of roses.

Is your life perfect? Do you have everything you ever wanted? Are there no problems in your life? Well if your answer to any of the above questions is yes then this article is not for you.

Sometimes in life we come across situations where we are facing problems after problems. It seems like they will never stop and most likely they will not. Most of us will just lose hope, stop fighting, give up and be a failure, and this is true for 99% of us. The 1% that are left, who have the courage to keep on facing the problems and fighting them are the ones who are successful.

Can you imagine life without any problems? If there were no problems and difficulties then how would you grow as a person and learn from all these problems which will in turn help in building your character. Problems are an essential part of your life, like there are exams in school to test your knowledge on a particular subject. In the same manner, there are problems in life that test your knowledge of life and what you have learned so far.

I know it is very hard to stand up and face all the problems; but you need to understand that there is no way around it. The more you try to run away from it, the bigger it will become. But then you might wonder, there is no hope and you will suffer all your life. Now here is where you are wrong. This mindset of suffering and no hope will bring more problems in your life.

What are problems? Anything that happens against our wish and anything that we don't want to happen is a problem. But if you learn to accept the problem and work with it then you will soon find that the problem no longer exists. The first thing that you need to do is to change your mindset and think of positive things. Universe is like a big bag with infinite supply of everything your mind can think of and whatever you want it will give to you. The catch is you always have to want good things even if you feel sad or frustrated don't ever forget "YOU GET WHAT YOU THINK", so be careful as to what you think get. Once you get this mindset, you will slowly realize that problems don't bother you anymore and even if they do you have the courage to face them.

How to Stay Focussed

1. Remove distractions
Distractions are part of life, but when they interfere with what you are doing they can slow you down and take you off course. A simple thing may be to turn your phone off for example. If you are writing a book, turning off all phones, social media and the like will help enormously. Look at the task in hand and see which distractions slow you down and remove them or at least minimize them.

2. Be creative
We are all different, so define what helps YOU to stay focussed. If having a break every hour helps you, do that. Schedule it into the day.

3. Remind yourself of the bigger picture

It can be easy to get disheartened when we forget why we are doing something. Keep the bigger picture in mind. Physical reminders can be helpful for longer term projects such as writing your aim on a whiteboard in your office.

4. Don't get burnt out
Keep some balance to whatever you are trying to accomplish. Trying to do too much too quickly can be just as damaging as doing too little. Listen to your intuition and know when to switch off.

5. Plan

By setting a plan each day for what you are going to achieve helps you to stay on track. It is easy to lose focus and be distracted when we can't remember what we are meant to be doing. A simple plan is great, don't overwhelm yourself but have a clear list of what you plan to achieve each day.

6. Acknowledge your achievements
This is a big one! Make sure you acknowledge what you do!